party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
