i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
