I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
