I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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