I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
