why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
