i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
