Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you