If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
