so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.