grinding to god bless the USA? really?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME