What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver