And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.