She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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