So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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