shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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