remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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