i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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