It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
