well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
