I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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