i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
