Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
