We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
