we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
