True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
