in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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