Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
