he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
