You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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