you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
