we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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