Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
