I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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