singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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