if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
