Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
