Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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