one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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