You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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