I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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