i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
