mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
