whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do vagina's smell?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
