FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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