$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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