yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
