so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
