I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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