Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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