Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
