I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
