If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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