dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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