Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
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she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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