When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
FUCK WHALES
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
