I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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