I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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