Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
