respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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