He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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