It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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