Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
