it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
