If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
