2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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