I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
