i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
