When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
