I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
