The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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