Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
