Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
