Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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