Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
